


You'll Be Alright

by AmberWarrior



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Breakups, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, Romance, ereri and jeanmarco are endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 23:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4583403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberWarrior/pseuds/AmberWarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean shot an accusing look. “I know you’re seeing Levi behind my back, Eren.”</p><p>Jean pleads for Eren to stay with him. Levi threatens to end his relationship with Eren if he doesn’t end it with Jean. Eren’s already chosen…but his decision wavers as he recalls exactly how much both men have touched his heart.</p><p>Equal amounts of all pairings, but they all find their happy end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You'll Be Alright

Eren pressed a soft kiss to Levi’s forehead, smiling as he watched the man slowly stir awake. Levi pried opened his eyes, groaning at the fogginess of sleep clouding his brain, but managed to focus on the man sitting on the side of his bed. “Brat,” he mumbled. “What are you doing out of bed?” Eren beamed at the greeting, more than used to the unusual terms of endearment Levi had given him. 

 

Levi noticed his lover’s clothes and frowned. “Where are you going?” He didn’t miss the way Eren’s smile slightly faltered.

“Just…” Eren trailed off, his eyes suddenly avoiding Levi’s. Eren’s gaze trailed downwards, towards his own fiddling fingers. “I’m going to Jean’s.” he admitted, a slightly guilty look on his face. Levi’s expression darkened. “But don’t get the wrong idea, I-”

“Yeah, you’re running off to your boyfriend again,” Levi bit out. “I get it.” 

 

Levi rolled over and pulled the blanket closer to his body, now wide awake. Eren felt pain at the action. “Levi-”

“Leave. Go and see the stupid horse-face you’re so fucking in love with. Since you clearly prefer his company over mine, you can leave your damn key on the table.”

“Levi-!”

“Just go!”

Eren’s stomach plummeted as he heard the bitterness in his voice, even though he knew Levi didn’t mean it. He hoped. Standing from the bed, he reached into his pocket. feeling the smooth surface of the brass key that Levi had given him a month ago.

 

_A small piece of metal was thrown in his direction and Eren caught it hazardously, almost tripping over his own feet. Levi scoffed at what he thought was overreaction. “W-what’s this?”_

_Levi shrugged. “See for yourself.” He gestured for Eren to open the door - the door to his apartment._

 

_Eren let his mouth fall wide. “No way.” He had been subtly hinting for a spare key the past few weeks, but he never thought the other man actually caught on. His expression of awe turned into a wide grin. “I am totally gonna use this every chance I get. Maybe catch you naked in the shower.” he winked._

 

_“If that’s what you’re going to use it for I’ll take it back, brat.” Levi scowled, determined not to let his face show what he truly thought at that suggestion._

_“Heh, you know you’ll love it.” Eren grinned. He entered the key into the doorknob and felt a wave of satisfaction when the lock clicked. “Besides,” he continued, walking into Levi’s abode. “I’ll never let you take it back.”_

_Levi saw the faraway look on his lover’s face and felt the urge to hold his hand. “Should you really be so certain?”_

_Eren blinked before smiling. “You’re mine, aren’t you Levi?” He circled his arms around the other man, resting them around his waist. Leaning down, he kissed the shorter man, who fondly reciprocated the action. “And I’m yours.”_

 

_Closing his eyes, Levi gripped his lover tighter. “No,” he thought. “Right now you belong to Jean.” An unsettling feeling trailed along his spine at the thought. “Not me.”_

 

_Sinking further into Eren’s embrace, he pressed his lips more insistently against the other man’s, forcing himself to think of Eren and Eren only; the feeling of Eren around him, his faint cologne, the unbelievably warm heat that surrounded him. He let himself be led in a familiar direction by the other man, and followed blindly. Eren would soon be his, Levi told himself. Eren had promised Levi he’d break up with Jean - he just had to wait a little longer._

 

Glancing in Levi’s direction, Eren held the key tightly.

 

“I’ll be back, Levi.” Eren reassured. “I won’t be gone for long. And if thing’s turn out well…” He saw Levi absentmindedly clench the blanket harder. “…I won’t have to go back to his place again. Not as his boyfriend, that is.” Eren made his way to the front door, slightly delaying his movements in the hopes for a response from the older man. Levi opened his mouth to speak, he found that no words would come out. Does that mean…is Eren finally…?

 

He heard the first lock click; panic seized his body. “It’s been months.” The words seemed to spill out of his mouth before he could take them back. “Why now? What changed?”

Eren’s hand on the doorknob softened as he recognised the question as one he had asked himself over and over again. When he’d thought about it, it really was when he first met him. His mind wandered back to the memory.

 

_Eren felt a twinge of disappointment when he looked back at the bar and the silver-eyed man had disappeared. Having locked eyes with him several times throughout the night, Eren had hoped to gain his attention, but instead the man had run away instead, it seemed. Remembering exactly how he’d courted him across the dance floor with suggestive moves, he immediately felt the blood rush to his face, covering the notion with his hands. No wonder he had ran away._

 

_The dull buzz he had felt, running through his body like electric circuits, abruptly stopped, leaving him feeling like an empty hull and just plain stupid, standing on the dance pad with no further purpose than to flirt with a stranger that had already left. With a jolt, he realised he was staring at an empty stool for a solid minute and reprimanded himself for thinking that way in the first place. He stopped dancing. There was Jean, after all._

 

_“Oi, kid.” a smooth voice sounded behind him._

_Eren spun around, heat already flushing his neck at the gentle seductiveness of the tone. He turned even redder when he recognised the undercut belonging to the man. “Oh, um-”_

_“Noticed you staring at me. If you’ve got something to say, say it to my face.” Up close, Levi cursed when he realised he was almost a full head shorter than the other man. Nonetheless, he crossed his arms and put his chin out, hoping for at least a little dominance over the man._

 

_Levi raised an eyebrow; Eren’s brain short-circuited. Here was the man that he’d been crushing on for the last five minutes, right in front of his face and- was he actually talking to him? He checked behind him and gulped when he saw no-one was there. Levi suppressed a smile. The other man had already proven to be endearing, seeing the vast change in personality after actually approaching the seducer._

 

_The whole bar faded into the background - all Eren could focus on was the pair of piercing silver-grey eyes that stared into his own, void of anything that could hint Eren on what the other man was thinking. He panicked. What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to offer him a drink? A dance? “No,” he thought. “Just tell him it was a mistake. You were staring at the chair.”_

 

_“You’re really hot.” Eren slapped a hand over his mouth as the words slipped out. What the heck, filter?! You do not just tell strangers that think you’re stalking them that they’re-_

_Levi smirked. “Oh?” He stepped closer, admiring the other’s intricate mix of sea blue and green that resided in the other man’s eyes. It kindled something inside him; a tiny, bright flame burning in his chest. “What makes you say that?”_

_“Nothing!” he rushed. “I didn’t mean to say that, I just-”_

_“So I’m not?”_

_“No, you are! Well I mean, look at you, you’re…” he trailed off, trying to think of a word that meant ‘really good looking in black eyeliner and leather pants’. “I mean-”_

 

_He watched in horror as the other man covered his mouth with his hand, visibly trying not to laugh. Seeing Eren’s mortification clear on his face, Levi attempted to clear his throat. “Can I get you a drink?”_

_“Oh, um, sure.” Eren hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt; from the lingering grin on Levi’s face, he doubted it. They made their way to the bar, Levi making sure the glasses were washed at least twice. When Eren received his coke (he was_ not _going to make any more fun of himself by getting drunk), he fiddled around with the glass before it daunted on him._

 

_“Hey, what’s your name?”_

_“Levi.” the dark-haired man answered cooly, sipping at his mixed spirit. “Your’s?”_

_“Eren.” He wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. “You here with anyone?”_

_Just as Levi opened his mouth, a loud yell sounded behind them. “Levi!”_

_Said man groaned, proceeding to bury his head in his hands. A grinning woman in glasses appeared and placed her hands on her hips, giving both men a look. Eren blinked at the amount of skin that she was apparently comfortable showing, and would’ve blushed in different circumstances. “I was wondering where you went! So while you ditched me and Erwin, you went and found yourself a friend, huh? And a cute one at that.” She winked at the doe-eyed man._

 

_Levi inhaled slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “What do you want, shitty glasses?”_

_“Well we’re going now,” She gestured her head towards the entrance. “So you gotta come with or you’ll be left behind. And I’m pretty sure you don’t want to take a bus or anything like that. You know, germs and all that.” she smiled._

_The feeling of a dozen miniature spiders crawling up his back followed at the mention of public transport. He shivered outright. Next to him, a pair eyebrows furrowed slightly, half covered by strands of the man’s brown hair._

 

_Levi let out a huff of annoyance. “Give me five minutes.”_

_“Gotcha. I’ll be waiting outside with Eyebrows!” With a wave, she turned, her ponytail bobbing along with her movements until Hanji disappeared amongst the crowd._

_Eren was too busy twiddling his fingers nervously to notice Levi hunched over the table, furiously writing, until a piece of torn paper was thrust in his face._

_“Wha-”_

_“If you don’t call me, shitty brat, I’ll assumed you’ve died and bring a bouquet of fucking dandelions to your funeral.”_

 

_Levi wasn’t sure what to make of it when the other didn’t respond. Examining Levi’s stoic face carefully, Eren couldn’t help but release the laugh that had been building up in his throat. Levi felt heat rush to his face indignantly and sent a harmless kick to the man’s shin, watching in horror as the other man simply laughed harder. Levi then shoved the paper down in his pants in retaliation, watching with satisfaction as Eren sprung from his seat with a yelp, fishing it out with difficulty._

 

_“I’m serious.” Levi muttered, glancing at his watch. “Well, I gotta go.”_

_“Hey, wait a sec-”_

_Levi promptly took Eren’s chin in his hand and brought their lips together, using enough pressure to make the other man’s eyes flutter shut, impulsively leaning into the kiss. When the warmth disappeared, Eren could barely hear Levi speak over the buzzing in his ears. “See you later, brat.”_

_He watched, stunned, as Levi’s figure was lost amidst the dancing bodies._

 

_Eren still couldn’t forget the man. The image of Levi’s face had imprinted itself onto Eren’s mind; even when he closed his eyes, he could still see the man’s smooth black hair, intense stormy eyes, the slight curl on the edge of his lips as he gave Eren a smirk that sent blood rushing to his face. There was just one thing that was missing - his voice. After gripping his phone tightly for about an hour, he hesitantly implanted the digits. He’d never felt his heart race faster._

  _Click. “Hello?”_

_Eren was surprised how much his heart beat faster just from that simple word. He couldn’t help but smile. “Where are my dandelions?”_

 

From the day he met Levi, the man had held a part of his heart he would never be able to take back. He wouldn’t ask for it back either - he would always belong to him. What changed?

 

“I fell in love with you.” he admitted quietly, feeling his grip on the bag strap tighten. Eren didn’t dare look behind him. He left the apartment swiftly, not taking to chance to see if the other could say the same about him. He wouldn’t risk it - not after Levi had told him to leave the key. 

 

By the time Levi had processed his words and ran out the main entrance, eyes searching wildly for a mop of unruly brown hair and the most beautiful blue-green eyes he had ever seen, Eren was gone.

 

* * *

 

After a short bus ride, Eren found himself standing outside a red door, the paint slightly peeling at the edges. He stared at the doorbell, about to ring before he found himself submerged in the memory of his first ‘date’ with Jean.

 

_“You know,” Eren started, exiting the arcade. “I think this is the first time we’ve spent a good few hours without fighting.”_

_Jean snorted. “If you’re trying to say you’ve matured then you clearly don’t know anything. I still can’t believe it. What kind of person chooses a movie called ’50 Shades of Grey’ and not know what it’s about?!”_

_Eren turned red as he remembered the odd look on the staff’s face as they directed the two males into the M rated movie. “I thought it sounded cool! And if you knew what it was about then why didn’t you stop me?!”_

_Jean smirked. “Because I wanted to see your reaction, clearly. And oh, was it worth it. Best way to find out that you’re gay.”_

 

_“W-what?” Eren spluttered. “Who said, horseface?!”_

_“Dude, you were practically falling asleep in that cinema.” Jean scoffed. “Looked bored as shit, too.”_ And don’t call me fucking horseface, _he added in the back of his mind._

_Eren stared horrifically at Jean, before attempting to school his look so that he looked less like a open-mouthed goldfish._

 

_Then it hit him. “You were watching me?_

_“Well, yeah, I told you I only watched it movie coz I wanted to see your reaction.”_

_“So you weren’t interested in it?”_

_“No, not really.”_

_Eren’s mouth slowly morphed into a cheshire grin. “Do you know what you basically just said?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“You said you weren’t interested in the movie.”_

  _Jean was silent for a while, but Eren knew he had caught on when the other had begun to blush madly._ _“That’d be stereotyping right there, Jaeger.” he quickly put. “Generalisation is hardly-”_

_“Then is it a really big deal if we both like guys?” Eren shrugged._

 

_There was an awkward silence as they continued to make their way back to the train station. Eren wondered yet again why he was out here with Jean in the first place, but then remembered Armin had bailed and sent Eren to tell Jean - in person, he had added very specifically - that he couldn’t make it. When he reached there and relayed the message, a strange look passed on Jean’s face and he could’ve sworn he went a bit red. But it was verging on 1ºC out there, and it’s not his fault he was cold._

 

_Jean had then proceeded to drag him to the theatres, food stalls and arcade, deciding that Eren would have to make up for lost company. And surprisingly, it hadn’t been as bad as Eren expected. It was actually kinda nice hanging out with the horseface- okay, he should really stop calling him that. It was nice hanging out with Jean._

 

_They decided to speak at the same time._

 

_“It’s actually pretty cool, hanging out like this.”_

_“Wanna go out with me?”_

  _Eren promptly tripped over his own feet, grabbing Jean’s hand just before he fell completely. His face heated up when he realised what he had done, but when he tried to let go Jean only held him tighter._

" _I’m serious!” Jean said, flustered. “It wouldn’t be so bad now, would it?!” His voice unconsciously raised as he battled with unrelenting nerves. He had honestly fallen for Eren - the way his fiery passion matched his own; his competitive streak that made his eyes shine even brighter than they already were; his undying loyalty to his friends._

" _Um, was that a rhetorical question or-”_

_“Yes! I like you, you idiot, so go out with me!”_

 

_Eren had no idea why his heart was beating faster or why he felt the smallest bit of happiness at Jean’s words. Then he remember the man’s previous crush, and the feeling disappeared. “I thought you liked my sister.”_

_“Mikasa? Yeah, well, everyone thought that.”_

_“Don’t you, though?”_

_Jean rolled his eyes. “I don’t like Mikasa, Jaeger. I like you. I just, well, seeing her with you all the time kinda…just got on my nerves, that’s all.”_

  _Eren completely forgot he was holding hands with Jean. “Were you…by any chance were you jea-”_

_“No.”_

_“Come on, you-”_

_“No.”_

_“Hey!“_

_“No.”_

_“I’ll go out with you.”_

_“No- wait, what?”_

_“I said I’ll go out with you.” Eren grinned._

 

_If Jean was serious, Eren figured it wouldn’t hurt to try. He’d known him since high school, and honestly, when he wasn’t being a dick he wasn’t all that bad. Though he wasn’t one to talk. Arguing with Jean, playful or hurtful, made him believe everything was normal; that he wasn’t that weird kid whose father was missing and mother passed away, or the violent delinquent who had anger-management problems. Jean didn’t care about those kinds of stuff, and he had to admit - it was a bit like home._

 

_Jean had a dubious look on his face. “You’re joking.”_

_“No.” he smiled, interlacing their fingers and laughing when Jean turned beet red. “I think it’d be nice too. Why not, I mean?”_

_Jean faltered slightly at his choice of words, but brushed it off. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Why not.”_

 

_They had to release their hands because a disgusting layer of sweat was sandwiched in-between, but they soon joined them again. Every time they wiped their sweat away, their hands would always automatically seek the other. And the other would be waiting, palm warmly extended._

 

Eren shook his head and pressed the doorbell, hearing the pleasing chime echo inside the apartment. He wasn’t surprised when Marco answered the door. The freckled Jesus- um, guy, had been given the same apartment number as Jean, and when they’d tried to bring it up with the apartment manager they were told it’d take at least a month to get one of them another room. So they had shrugged it off and decided to live together, soon becoming unlikely close friends. Eren found how comfortable they were with each other fascinating.

 

“Hey, Marco. Is Jean in?”

“Yeah, he’s here. Come in!” he welcomed. Eren couldn’t think of a moment when the man wasn’t smiling.

Stepping in, he saw the familiar two-toned hair waiting on the couch. Marco gave another small smile when Eren set his bag on the table, before retreating to his room. Seeing the stern expression on Jean’s face, Eren was quickly about to call Marco back, but the other spoke up.

 

“You haven’t visited in a while.” Jean put out, folding his arms across his chest. He had dark circles under his eyes and his leg shook unconsciously, mind racing a thousand miles per hour.

“Yeah.” Eren began cautiously. “Are you alright?”

Jean shot an accusing look. “I know you’re seeing Levi behind my back, Eren.”

 

The silence seemed to stretch forever, as Eren remained unable to process any coherent thoughts, fear overpowering his mind. He knew he shouldn’t have done it. He knew he should have told Jean earlier-

 

Jean sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me, Eren? Why did I have to find out from Marco of all people, that you’ve been seeing each other for _months_ on end without telling me?”

“How did he-”

“I wouldn’t mind if it was just a fling. But months, Eren? We’ve been together for more than a year and you’ve been seeing him for _months_?”

“How did Marco find out?”

“You know he works at your company. He’s been seeing that Levi guy drop you off regularly and began to suspect you two, but didn’t warn me until he saw you two having some serious PDA.”

Eren paled at the memory, having the distinct feeling at the time that someone was watching him but when he looked behind him, he never saw anyone.

 

Jean continued. “I let it off, figuring you’d come out of your senses and stop seeing the guy,” Anger started to become evident in his tone. “But you never did.” His voice became strained. “Didn’t you think that I’d feel humiliated? Did you think of me at _all_ when you were with him?”

 

“I…” Eren tried to speak, but his voice failed him. He could feel his own pulse in his fingertips. His body ached with torment. How could he have looked at anyone but Jean? Even when there was no turning back with Levi, why did he have to hide it from him so long? Jean, who had been the only part of his childhood that’d stuck with him no matter what shit he went through? Jean, who was now close to tears because he thought he meant nothing to Eren anymore?

 

“You were everything to me at some point.” Eren whispered. He watched with dread as Jean’s eyes widened with false hope, false security. It only made Eren wish he’d never went out with him in the first place.

 

He wasn’t sure if it was longing or something else that he felt when a memory resurfaced.

 

_Eren sighed once again, closing his eyes tightly to relieve the stinging that had accumulated from staring into the bright light of his phone in the dark. Lying on his bed, he glanced to the glowing red numbers that seemed to jeer at him every time he looked at them. 3:55. Eren groaned, setting down his phone briefly to rub at his eyes. He wanted to see Jean. Who was away for work._

 

_Eren wanted to call him so badly, but he knew Jean would be sleeping by this time. Feeling the night winter once again seep into his body, he tried to bring himself closer into the sheets. The shivering didn’t dissipate. He’d give anything just to feel Jean’s arms around him._

 

_Bringing his phone to his face, he opened a draft._

 

I miss you.

 

_Another draft._

 

Why do three days feel like forever?

 

_The words seemed to flow out of his fingers before he even knew what he was saying._

 

You’re so unfair, leaving me alone like this.

 

It’s so cold. This goddamned snow.

 

I kinda wish you were with me.

 

Nah, I really wish you were here.

 

God, it’s 4am and I haven’t slept a bit.

 

I think there’s a cat on my windowsill. I hear meowing and scratching.

 

I don’t have a cat.

 

I’d like a dog, though. Or maybe even a horse. To remind me of you. Neigh.

 

Don’t kill me. No wait, these aren’t even sending. Ha. I’m deleting these drafts after, anyway.

 

I kinda hate the fact that there’s no time difference where we are. You’re sleeping, aren’t you?

 

I wanna hear your voice.

 

_Eren yelped at the sudden, shrill sound of his phone going off, and promptly dropped the phone on his face. He didn’t have time to check the ID before he answered, his heart still pounding loudly at the startle. “H-Hello?”_

_“Well, I was wondering when you’d stop your little sappy moment but then you asked for my wonderful voice, and who was I to deny the pleasure?”_

 

_Eren’s mind skid to a sudden halt. There was no way he could’ve known - yet the familiar sultriness of the tone could only belong to one person. A single name projected into his mind and was released in a breath. “…Jean?”_

_“What, don’t tell me you’re cheating and sending these texts to someone else? Coz then I’d really be pissed.”_

_Eren could hear the smirk through the receiver. He was about to retort when something nagged at his mind. “Wait…texts?”_

_“Hm, you said something about ‘deleting these drafts’? Good luck with that when I’ve already screenshotted these lovely messages you so generously sent me. Might wanna check your history, yeah?”_

_“You’re kidding.” Eren scrolled through his phone desperately. He could’ve sworn he was writing in Drafts- oh shit._

_“Hey, don’t get the wrong idea,” Jean interrupted his panic-fest. “I’m flattered. And honestly, I don’t care if it was freaking 2 in the morning, you know. You can call me any time. I seriously don’t mind. Heck, send me a picture of that cat and I wouldn’t care. You’re my boyfriend, you idiot.” he scolded jokily._

 

_The feeling of heartsickness trickled heavier into Eren’s body. He could imagine Jean lying beside him, breathing the words into his ear, the sound of his voice slowly lulling him to sleep. He closed his eyes._

 

_“Hey, Jean?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Do you think you could, um, keep talking? Just for a little bit? Even it’s the most boring shit that’s happened to you-”_

_“Hah, cute. You might as well’ve asked me to sing you a lullaby.”_

_“Yeah, difference is, I didn’t.”_

_“See what I mean? Cute without even trying, Jaeger-bomb.”_

_“I swear I’ll fucking-”_

  _“‘The most boring shit that’s ever happened to me’, huh?” Jean wondered aloud. “That won’t do much for a bedtime story…ah! How ‘bout the story of ‘How my heart almost stopped beating when I read the most cavity-inducing texts from my usually badass boyfriend?’ It’s a bestseller, I ensure you.”_

_“Jean, I swear, if you-”_

_“So many profanities and it’s not even dawn yet. Tsk. Well to start the story, I was 99% sure you were either drunk or delusional when you sent that first text. I mean, sure I was happy as fuck, but man, you definitely seem like the type of person that’d say ‘I hate you’ as a way of saying ‘let’s make out’.”_

_“Hey-!”_

_“Shh, national award winning novel right here. So anyway, yeah, it woke me up and I figured it was probably some kind of typo and you’d actually meant to say ‘I’ll massacre you’ so was about to go back to sleep and then more drunk texts- or maybe not so drunk now, came. ‘Why three days seem like forever’, you ask? Well it’s really just a concept of time but I’m sure you already knew the answer. I miss you too, Jaeger. Honestly, I…”_

 

_As Jean trailed off, the strong, steady breathing on the other side of the phone became more audible. He yawned and stretched, settling back into his bed with a smile etched onto his face. As his eyes began to close, he brought the device back to his ear for one last time that night. He mumbled gently into the receiver. “I love you, Eren.”_

 

“I’m sorry, Jean.” It came out without him even meaning to, his words slightly broken through his short intakes of breath. “I should’ve told you-”

“I gave you time. I gave you time to get over him, to pull yourself back together and see you’re supposed to be with _me_. Not him. Not him, Jaeger. You can’t be with him. You can’t, you don’t understand, Eren, I…”

 

Eren felt a familiar prickling in his eyes, but he blinked it away. “Jean, I’m really really sorry, I-” He paused to breathe, realising he’d been holding his breath. “I know I’m an asshole for hurting you, and you have to believe I wanted to tell you sooner, I just- I just didn’t want to see you like…” 

Jean turned his head away, his voice dangerously low. And louder, and he wouldn’t be able to hide the constricting feeling in his throat. “Like what, Jaeger?”

“Like…” His throat was dry; his feet were numb; his eyesight was growing hazier by the minute. “Like this. Because of me.”

 

When Eren realised Jean wasn’t going to answer, he reached for his bag with trembling fingers. “I’ll leave now. Be safe, okay?”  He looked away before he could see the lines now streaking the other man’s face. At his shuddering intake of breath, Eren quickly made his way to the door, knowing he wouldn’t be able to leave so easily if he saw Jean cry. He’d sworn he’d never be the one to make him cry.

 “No,” Jean’s eyes widened. “Eren- If it’s something I did wrong-”

“It wasn’t you Jean!” Eren cried, still facing the door. “It’s all my stupid fault, just because I was too scared to tell you. Jean, I- I’m the worst. You deserve a lot more than someone who can’t even hold his promises.”

“You don’t get it.” Jean said unbelievably, staring at his lover with glazed eyes. “You still don’t get it. I fucking love you Eren. How could you pick someone else after all we’ve been through? Just say you’ll end it with Levi; that’s all I want you to do.” he pleaded. “Just stay with me, Eren.”

 

It took all Jean had to not fall to his knees. He felt his stomach constrict painfully, thinking back to all the times Eren had called off their nights together. It had always been either an ‘I’m busy with work’ or ‘I’m too tired’, when in reality he had just snuck off to Levi’s apartment. And it killed him, knowing Eren relied on Levi more than he thought he could rely on him. It was Jean who had helped his sleep through restless nights, him who’d trusted his life with Eren. So why couldn’t Eren do the same?

 

“I’ve hated it ever since I stopped waking up next to you, Eren.” Jean managed to croak out. “It got so cold all of a sudden, and when I figured out it was gonna be like that forever…I just couldn’t stop wishing that you were with me.” He kicked the sofa in frustration. “Goddamn it, Eren! Do I even _matter_ to you anymore?!”

“I’m said I’m _sorry_ , Jean!” Eren shouted, tears freely falling down his cheeks as memories of his first boyfriend played in his brain like a black and white motion picture. 

 

But his ones with Levi stubbornly remained at the back of his mind, and he slowly tightened his fists in conviction. No matter how much he convinced himself he was head-over-heels in love with Jean once, he knew it wasn’t true. He’d been young and carefree, completely sheltered to a side of the world he never thought he’d venture in. And he felt like a complete asshole for going out with Jean nonetheless.

 

“But it has to be Levi, Jean.” 

Jean swore he could hear the cracking of glass somewhere inside him, waiting for the moment to shatter.

“I can’t imagine it being anyone else but him.”

Another fissure.

“No-one in the world could replace what he is to me.” 

Jean hoped that the glass would just break already. But it remained like that, stubbornly refusing to shatter. And maybe that hurt the most.

 

Eren gave one last look back at his former lover’s face, meeting Jean’s grieving gaze. Eren’s heart continued it’s cry of lament. _Is this what you wanted, Levi? To see him in pain? To see me in pain?_    Unknowingly, Eren clenched his fists tighter until he felt his nails finally break through his skin. The sudden pain brought him back to reality. He was surprised when his voice came out strong. “Not even you.” He knew he had no right to cry, yet he couldn’t hold it back. Forcing himself to believe he made the right choice, he closed the door behind him. 

 

After several minutes had passed, Jean crumpled to his knees.

 

* * *

 

_“Are you shitting me?” Levi uttered in disbelief. “You’re telling me_ now _that you have a boyfriend?”_

_“It- It just never really passed my mind.” Eren stuttered, waving his hands. “I didn’t mean to hide it from you.”_

_“Oh sure, it just ‘passed your mind’ that you’re going behind both our backs and probably laughing at us while you’re at it.” he spat, grabbing his coat and striding towards the door._

_“No! I…” A horrible feeling spread through the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t lose Levi over this - he couldn’t. “I swear I didn’t mean to lie. It’s just that, when I’m with you I just forget everything. You make my heart race, my brain melt, and I forget about Jean. Please, I’m sorry, Levi.”_

_Levi rested his hand on the doorknob. So his name was Jean, huh? “Break up with him and maybe I’ll reconsider.” he offered half-heartedly._

_“What?”_

_“You heard me.”_

 

_Watching Eren’s eyes widen and head droop, Levi let out a bitter scoff. “You know,” Eren was lifted from his trance at Levi’s scornful tone. “When someone flirts with you at a bar, you kinda expect them to be single.”_

 

_He stalked out, flinching a little at the sudden wet coldness that impeded his body. He stopped in his tracks, wondering if he had done the right thing. The rain didn’t look like it was going to let out soon, but he was fine with that. He watched the condensation of his breath rise into the air with every shuddering breath that escaped him. How much could he have meant to Eren if it only meant hiding another lover behind his boyfriend’s back?_

 

_“Levi!” Eren’s footsteps splashed noisily, his voice muffled by the heavy rainfall. Levi felt a strong grip encase his wrist and warmth flowed through his body from the touch. “Don’t go, please. If I don’t have you by my side I don’t know what I’ll do!”_

_“You’ll do whatever you did with your boyfriend. Before you cheated on him.”_

_Eren unconsciously took a step back when he heard all the anger had dissipated from Levi’s voice. All that was left was hollowness._

_“Wasn’t I special to you?” Levi tilted his head up to look at the falling droplets. He was grateful he had a reason for the wetness on his face. “The way you were special to me?”_

 

_A flash of lighting illuminated the sky, followed closely by deafening thunder. Neither man reacted. “Levi,” Eren said quietly. The man’s gaze was still directed towards the sky. Walking around so that he was facing him, Eren wrapped his arms around his lover, feeling him remain still as stone. From the tight grasp, Levi could almost believe he was holding something precious. Almost. “You’re so much more than that. You’re my everything.” Eren didn’t care if he sounded stupid. There was no other way to express how much the other man meant to him._

 

_“From your kisses to your absolutely horrible shit jokes. From the way you say my name to the way you think way too low of yourself, not matter how many times I’ve told you you’re beautiful the way you are. From your scowls to your smiles - they always make my heart race whenever I see them, you know. Every time.” He could feel a pair of arms hesitating to come around his waist. Shivering. Unsure. “I’d break up with him in a heartbeat for you Levi.” he murmured.“You mean so much more to me than you realise.”_

_“I lied. I could never ask something like that of you.”_

_Eren hugged him tighter. He could feel the body heat radiating off of the other man, and revelled in the warmth._   _“But I would. Just give me some time - for him, not for me._   _It was always going to be you in the end, Levi.”_

 

_At Levi’s silence, Eren became aware of the goosebumps that pricked slowly up his arm. He hoped Levi was warm at least. At last, the pair of arms finally settled delicately around his upper body, and Eren let out a small sigh of relief. He still had Levi. And from what he’d just experienced, he’d never try to let go of him again. Levi felt a slight pressure against his head as Eren planted a gentle kiss, hoping Levi would understand._

 

_At Eren’s awkward sneeze, Levi showed the faintest of smiles and led the man back into the house, for once unconcerned about their clothes dripping onto the floor. Making himself a cup of tea and a warm glass of water for Eren, they sat down at the kitchen table in a comfortable silence, staring at their drinks while they linked their ankles together._

 

There was a short rap at the door. Eren groaned, muffling the annoying sound by burying his head further into the pillow. He curled further into the foetal position. Didn’t he tell Mikasa to leave him alone? A thin ray of sunlight streamed into the bedroom as the door opened by a crack, enough to make him flinch at the intruding light. Her face softened, examining the small lump that was Eren, huddled under his blankets.

 

“I can tell him to leave if you want.” Her gentle voice reverberated eerily around the silent room.

Eren shut his eyes. “It’s fine.” he mumbled. He heard her turn on her feet, voice muffled as she harshly whispered something that sounded suspiciously like threats. Light footsteps departed, followed by louder, more distinct ones heading in his direction. He wasn’t sure he wanted to see Levi right now, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to send him away either. The sound of cracking joints resonated as Eren straightened his back, emerging gradually from the blankets like a turtle from it’s shell. Levi watched as hair fell over his head, Eren’s forehead resting in his palm.

 

The long sigh that escaped Eren’s mouth didn’t go missed. 

“Sorry,” Levi confessed, his mouth dry. “I shouldn’t have said what I said. I’m sorry for forcing you to end it with him without thinking about how you might’ve felt about it. It was your relationship after all. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you.” The apologetic words felt foreign on his tongue.

_‘Was’ your relationship._ Eren echoed Levi’s words in his head. _He’s already using past tense._ He pulled at the sheets between his fingers; Levi hadn’t spared much room for delicacy. “You couldn’t at least wait a day or something?”

“I wanted to see you.”

Eren narrowed his eyes skeptically. “And you’re the one who told me to leave in the first place. And told me to leave the key.” His look was begrudging. “If anything, I thought you’d be jumping for joy with Jean out of the picture.”

 

Glancing at the curtains, the walls, the bookshelf, Levi tried to avoid Eren’s gaze. Which was hard when it was like a laser burning into him everywhere he directed his sight. “Honestly, I’m really happy.” he admitted. “I’m relieved.”

Eren wasn’t sure what he felt. Bitterness? Relief?

Levi continued. “But if you seriously thought I wasn’t gonna take into consideration your feelings, then I must appear more of a dick than I thought I was.”

Eren pressed his lips together. “That’s not it.”

“Then what is it? Is it because of what I said this morning? Because I’d take it back in a heartbeat if I could. Or,” He felt bile crawling up his throat. “…Or is it him? Do you want Jean back?”

“No!” Eren cried. “No! I just…” He looked up to Levi with pleading eyes. 

 

Every moment he’d spent thinking about Jean after what had happened had only worsened his growing headache. Leaving his room hadn’t even been an option - Eren knew he’d go insane. Locking his windows and shutting his curtains, nothing mattered under the world of his bedsheets where everything was pitch black and utter silence, though the ringing in his ears remained. He cocooned himself in his blankets until all that was left was himself and guilt, guilt that seemed to languidly crawl up his body, eating away at him like termites in wood, until his mind and body was completely covered in a opaque cloud of obscure darkness.

 

Then _he’d_ decided to show up. Someone he thought he couldn’t face, yet when he appeared right under his nose he just couldn’t stay away. One look at Levi as soon as he’d come in - the worry creases in his forehead, his scarf half unravelling off his shoulders, his hair he hadn’t even bothered to comb…and all his earlier worries had started to fade. He found it easier to breathe, his sickness beginning to ease. No, he wasn’t angry at him, he just… 

 

Eren’s gaze turned defenceless. _I just want you in my arms._

 

The plead seemed to reach his lover; Levi’s shoulders relaxing slightly, his appearance turning to one of pensive longing. Eren watched as the man came closer, kneeling in front of him like a person would to a child. His expression softened when he saw sincerity in the other’s stone-grey eyes. They shared a conversation without words. _I’m sorry._

 

Levi reached up to brush a strand of hair out of the other man’s eyes, leaning forward as he brought his lips to it gently. Eren tried not to shiver at the intimacy, looking straight into Levi’s eyes and finding him staring right back. 

“I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me for a while.” Levi’s voice was smooth and comforting to his ears. Eren almost didn’t register what he said. “It’s a given. But when you’re ready, just give me a call, okay?”

“I…” He wasn’t going to stay?

Pressing a lingering kiss to Eren’s cheek, Levi stood up slowly and turned to leave.

 

He was surprised when his sleeve seemed to catch on something. Glancing back, he saw it pressed lightly between Eren’s fingers. His eyes widened. Eren’s voice came out soft, but clear. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

Levi felt a strong pull towards the man as his heart yearned for his lover. Taking a seat on the bed next to him, he rest his hand over Eren’s. A warmth encased his side as he felt the other man leaning into his heat; a smile tugged at Levi’s lips as he relished the comfort.

 

“You won’t be anymore.”

 

* * *

 

Stepping out of the bathroom, Jean inhaled deeply, letting the steam from his bath clear his senses. Compared to the complete chaos his mind was in earlier, he felt scarily blank. As if he were surrounded by nothingness. His gaze constantly shifted from one thing to another. Everything was monochrome. Everything was blurry. Everything…his everything had been Eren.

 

Eren. He fell back onto the wall, his hand steadying his head. Colour began to rush into his sight. Memories crashed into his brain like an open floodgate, freezing every other part of his body. Raising his head, his mind slowly cleared. He focused on the windowsill. That’s where Eren had kissed him. His gaze drifted to the couch. Over there’s where they had movie nights, seeing who could make the funniest impressions of the characters. He saw a funny purple stain on the floor. There’s where he’d tickled Eren who laughed so hard to the point of blackberry juice coming back up his nose and staining the white carpet; something Jean had never failed to remind him of.

 

Finding himself staring, he shook his head lightly as he dragged his feet to his bedroom, sitting on the edge of his bed. Lost in the events of the past, he almost missed a timid knock on the door. Marco’s shy smiling face waited for permission to enter. The sight of the freckled man brought a small smile to Jean’s face, as if it were contagious. Maybe it was. “Not that you usually ask,” Jean commented lightly. “But come on in.”

“Thanks.” 

Jean could’ve sworn he felt something strange after hearing Marco’s voice, but he brushed it off.

Marco spoke with caution. “I heard. Sorry, I should’ve covered my ears or something, but-”

“Don’t worry about it.”

 

Marco walked lightly around Jean, seating himself on the wheelie chair. He clasped his hands over his lap, unsure of what to say yet certain he had to speak up. He couldn’t bear to see him grieve this way. Until Jean had found happiness, Marco had sworn never to leave his side. He never hated Eren - in fact, he had felt a selfish longing to be him, if that was what it took to make Jean happy. But then everything changed, and now he was the one who had a chance to make Jean smile. He wouldn’t take it for granted.

 

“He’s not the only person out there, you know.” Marco began cautiously.

Jean’s expression was blank, fixed on the horizon. “Easy for you to say. You’ve never had a lover.“

Marco remained silent.

“Don’t you get it? I have nothing now. Even if I felt I had no-one, he had been constantly by my side. He was my everything.” 

 

There was a growing, burning sensation in Marco’s gut, like a knife had been embedded into his flesh, but he forced his voice to sound even. “Yeah?”

Jean blinked and his empty gaze turned to Marco. “Yeah.” He rest his elbows on his knees. Emotion seemed to pass over his face, and his eyes were suddenly more alert, more present. “Yeah. I guess that’s what he thinks of Levi now.”

 

Jean let out an exasperated sigh, threading his hands through his hair agitatedly. “You know, it just makes me think-” 

“Well there’s a change.” Marco felt a playful shove to his arm.

“Shut up, Marco. But seriously, maybe I don’t have anyone out there waiting for me, you know? I really thought Eren was the one.” His face became guarded. “Then off he goes and leaves me behind.”

_I’d never leave you behind._ Marco thought absently. _It’d be me and you against the world._ Marco closed his eyes, ignoring the wistful thoughts. “How would you know if he was the one or not?”

Jean tipped his head back, letting his body drop onto the mattress. Marco noticed a strand of his hair fall near his eyes and fought against his urges to brush it back.

“Well if he wasn’t the one,” He brought his arm to his face, covering his eyes. “Then I guess I just don’t know anything anymore.”

 

Jean’s voice remained protected, leaving Marco to wonder what the other man was truly thinking. He couldn’t break his gaze away from the man. Ignoring the rush of blood in his ears, he sat next to Jean and hoped his presence could at least comfort him in some way. With Jean’s words echoing in his mind, he couldn’t help but ask. “Would you like me to tell you?”

“Huh?”

“How you know if you’ve found the one.”

Jean’s eyes widened comically. “Wait- Marco, you have a girlfriend?!”

Marco let out a small laugh. “No. But I know I’ve found him. The one, that is.”

“Oh.”

 

A loud breath escaped Marco, and a strange sense of calamity washed over Marco as he found himself relaxing whilst thinking about the man laying beside him. He let his feelings wash over him for a few moments; the time they had found each other sneaking hot chocolate in the middle of the night, Jean constantly telling him his freckles looked like constellations. Talking with Jean until 3am and falling asleep in the same room, Jean comforting him when he had broken his arm and stayed up with him all night since he couldn’t sleep from the pain…

 

Marco knew there wasn’t another man he’d want to spend the rest of his life with. But for now, all he really wanted was to see Jean smile. Wiping his moistening hands on his jeans hastily, he turned his body to face Jean and bravely met his eyes with a lighthearted facade. 

 

“Well it’s just the little things, really. You burn when they look at you, or even just in your direction, because you can’t help but hope that they’re thinking about you, the way you’re thinking about them. You feel random urges to give them gifts because you want them to know how much you love them, but at the same time, you hesitate because you don’t. It’s paradoxical. You start noticing every little thing they do. You know, how they bite their lip when they’re in thought. Or the way they look down when they lie.”

Jean told himself it was a coincidence.

 

“You want to help them all you can,” Marco continued. “Because all that matters is making them happy. And no matter what lengths you go to, you know it’s all worth it when you see them smile. You can’t help but read their emotions; you want to know if they’re depressed, or angry, or maybe even just tired.” 

 

That struck a chord inside Jean. The one thing he had never been able to do for Eren, something he had always regretted, was being unable to figure out what was inside his head. Sometimes his smile gave away his joy, yet at the same time, his eyes reflected so many emotions Jean didn’t know which ones were real and which were a figment of his imagination. Maybe then, would he have known the Eren wasn’t his anymore. Maybe he could’ve turned everything around, done _something_ to try and make his lover stay. But Eren was gone now.

 

“There’s so much more, but as you said,” Marco rubbed the nape of his neck. “I’ve never been in a relationship, so I can’t say much. But I can at least tell you this.” 

Jean found his throat was dry, and he couldn’t hold the other’s gaze any longer. “What?” His voice betrayed his anxiety. From the corner of his eye, he could see Marco’s shoulders drop somewhat from the loss of eye contact, but his voice remained firm.

 

“No matter how many times you see them during the day or night, no matter how many times you’ve touched or how many times you’ve spoken, your heart starts throbbing so painfully it feels as if it’s being compressed into your body. And with each heartbeat, you find yourself falling in love with them even more. More than you even felt was possible.” With slightly shaking hands, Marco took Jean’s wrist and placed his palm over his chest. As he watched Jean’s widening eyes, he spoke softly. “See?”

 

When the other didn’t answer, frozen still, Marco felt a strange disappointment and quickly dropped Jean’s hand. “But of course, it’s all hypothetical. It-It’s just something I read online, you know-”

“Marco-”

He quickly stood, feeling a stinging in his eyes. “I’ll go now. Sorry I was a bother.”

“Marco, wait.” A hand grasped lightly at his wrist, gently pulling him down to sit next to him again.

Marco didn’t want any of this. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could last without crying. He just wanted to leave. “What?”

 

“I…”

Marco closed his eyes, assuming the worst. Would Jean outright reject him? Scorn him? It would make it easier to hate him, and yet, he dreaded the man’s next words.

Jean fumbled over his sentence. “I know this is horrible, and selfish and terrible for me to ask but…won’t you wait for me? Just…just until I’m ready?  I know how cruel this might seem, but Marco, honestly, you’re the nicest guy I know, and I know I’ll regret you more than Eren if I didn’t even try.”

 

All Marco could hear was the beating inside his chest. He prayed he hadn’t misheard. “You want me to wait for you?”

“I won’t keep you waiting for long.” Jean took Marco’s hand. “But…at least give me a chance.”

Marco was sure he was hallucinating. But the hand covering his own felt way too warm and real for it to be a dream. As the realisation settled, Marco felt a single wet drop meander down his cheek. He ignored it, allowing a small smile instead. Feeling the other’s grip tighten, he leant his head on Jean’s shoulder, feeling Jean instinctively rest his own atop of Marco’s. “I’ll wait forever for you, Jean.”

 

A small flame ignited in Jean’s stomach at the words, and he felt a nostalgic warmth spread through his body. With a glance to the man beside him, he realised that maybe, just maybe, things would be alright after all. 

 

If only Marco were by his side.

 


End file.
